Over this weekend I attended a small rock show. I mean small as in there were only 50 FREAKING BANDS. In any case, one does not go to one of these punk rock monstrocities and learn a few things. Being that I wish to impart this knowledge to future Warped Tourers, I present to thee:
Every single fan of the Dropkick Murphys is 7 feet tall, ensuring you will not actually see the Dropkick Murphys.
There is a reason why those freezies they were handing out were free. You’ll realize this the morning after.
Your British accent is not good enough for you to bullshit your way onto the British stage, and after the fifth try the security guards get pushy.
Every single fan of the Dropkick Murphys is 300 pounds, ensuring that anyone that ventures into the front 10 rows of the crowd has every single bone in their body broken.
One of the members of The Offspring can not and will not stop indirectly asking several thousand people to have sex with him, proving that he has much too much time on his hands.
When trying to reach the front of the crowd, picking up and throwing short people is not only acceptable but also encouraged.
Every single fan of the Dropkick Murphys has no shirt, ensuring that you will be drenched with sweat, 70% of which isn’t yours.
No one at the show likes your homemade duct-tape headband. Seriously.
Your shoes are lost in the mosh, if you value your life don’t go looking for them.
Toodles.
Posted by Ben Nicholls 
