It’s like anime, only without the subtitles.

Okay, before we dive headfirst into the rock-solid ruby-encrusted titanium statue of me that this blog represents, I have one thing to say: ROT IN HELL, EVERYONE ELSE! I HAVE FOUND A NEW GOD!

That having been said, we shall move on to..

BEN’S BI-WHENEVERLY ANIME REVIEW: Insterstella 5555

Now, I know what you’re all thinking. “Ben, anime is for losers! Ben, anime is in different languages, I thought you hated other languages! Ben, anime smells funny!” WELL FOR GOD’S SAKE LET ME EXPLAIN MYSELF YOU WHORES. Anime is like one of those boxes of chocolate your grandmother gives you at Christmas. It may say that it is from Switzervania or The Netherworld (or wherever fancy chocolate comes from), but deep down inside it’s all just chocolate and you’ll end up throwing it out anyways. What I mean is that the packaging and presentation may be different, but in the end, it’s all the same crap.

BUT WAIT, SHOCKING TWIST! This movie is awesome. I don’t usually say this, but those who have an opinion about this movie other than “it is better than air and water COMBINED” is stone cold wrong. That said, we move onto the thing where I ruin the entire plot for you.

Firstly, I must explain what makes this movie special. You see, there is this French band (or whatever) called Daft Punk, and they make the House music. But it’s not exactly house music. It’s different somehow. Don’t ask me why, I’m not a techno specialist, all I know is that I listen to these guys religiously but I wouldn’t touch the rest of House music with a 12-foot clown pole. In any case, Daft Punk, being as awesome as they are, decide to make the worlds first animated House musical. It is exactly how it sounds. It is anime. It is a musical. Essentially, it is 65 minutes of carefully chosen and beautifully created music accompanied by 65 minutes of awesome animation that tells a funktastically interstellar story.

This story begins on some planet where blue people live (see above). On this planet live a band of four (see above, again, if you like), and they are essentially the greatest band in the universe. So naturally, during one of their performances, a hyperspace-travelling lunatic band manager kidnaps them and turns them into humans so he can use them to get the last gold record he needs to power his conquest-of-the-universe machine he built in his volcano. Of course though, a man who flys a giant guitar-shaped spacehsip chases after them and saves the day.

Or something like that. To tell you the truth, I didn’t pay very good attention because I was thinking about Transformers the whole time. Anyways, I can say this: there is absolutely everything you could want in this movie. Action, mystery, covert operations, a gay fashion guy, conquest-of-the-universe machines that, once again, I stress are POWERED BY GOLD RECORDS, and even a love song. Don’t believe me?

Anyways, this movie gets my total approval. My rating? 40 STARS UP.

PS. For those who aren’t convinced that they should immediately bow to their new electronica masters, feast your eyes upon their mighty visage:

That’s right. Thye are robots. All the time. And yes, those ARE working LCD screens embedded into their hetmets. And yes, they DO display words and things, like, all the time.

‘Nuff said.

Ben’s Supa-Fancy CD Review 1

A new addition to the View from the Top lineup shall be CD reviews. Why, you ask? BECAUSE I AM NEPTUNE, GOD OF THE OCEANS, SMITER OF KRAKKENS, AND I DECREE IT SO! Anyways, here we go:

Prozzak: Cruel Cruel World

Now, before you flay me with your harsh harsh words, let me just justify this for one second. I used to like Prozzak. Strange Disease? Awesome song. Very catchy. Thing is though, that was several years ago. You know, like, when Strange Disease came out I guess. Whatever. Anyways, So I’m in Walmart the other day when I spy this on the shelf on sale for like, ten bucks. I thought to myself “Hey, that’s those guys what I used to like. I wanty!” Two pilfering attempts and a small fine later, and I had me a copy.

So it’s like this: it’s actually pretty good. The first song? Very catchy, an awesome.. uhh.. you know, like, melody or riff or whatever. I don’t know music terms. All I know is that I like it. Anyways, the next song also is listenable. Very cool. The third song though is where it gets interesting. They completely switch styles and do a flawless cover of “More than a Feeling” by Boston. And when I say flawless, I mean FLAWLESS. Like, I couldn’t tell the difference between it and the original. Anyways, the next song is the classic track “Peace of Mind”, also a true Boston classic. The rest of the CD is a glorious compendium of their best songs, comprising of some of the best music from the seventies and eighties. Very cool.

I give “Boston: Greatest Hits” Eight stars up.

Coffee House

Okay persons, welcome back. Or whatever.

At my school, we have these things called COFFEE HOUSES and they exist for the sole purpose of letting hicky weirdos to sing country and metal songs poorly infront of a large audience. Now, while this sounds like a prime opportunity for a SCATHING REVIEW, I actually went for the enjoyment of it because it’s in fact not all bad.

The Ups

• A band, aptly named ‘The Bayfield Girls and Bob’ or something similarly well thought out, did a decent job of “Come Together” by The Beatles.
• One band was accompanied by a chubby kid expertly playing the “guitar”.
• One guy wore a Radiohead shirt. That is awesome.
• The tables were covered with heavy paper and crayons were provided. Naturally, a lot of drawings of Stalin arm-wrestling with Mother Teresa for the title of “Bitchinest Anyone Ever” appeared on my table.

The Downs

• Simon
• Not a sinlge person said the word “bollocks”.
• One band smelled bad.
• Garfunkel
• The candle that adourned our table kept burning me.
• Very very very little Bowie content.
• Garfunkel played the “giant, earth swallowing drum”.
• All of my attempts to “grab fire” failed.
• The coffee was sub-par.
• One band felt the need to do their hard-rock rendition of James Blunt’s “You’re Beautiful”, even though no one asked me if I wanted to hear it. Needless to say, I didn’t.
• The paramedics took too long.

So, all in all, I give it my third lowest rating: 2 out of 5. (For a description of my rating system, go HERE)