How to Read My Blog

So, you've stumbled upon a blog. Oh, what great and wondrous things must be going through your mind as you try to contemplate the most complex thing on all of the Internet (just barely beating out Altavista's Image Search). What will you do? Reading? Scrolling? Commenting?! How are you expected to keep up with all this fast moving technology?

Well never fear, for I have come to rescue you from your sewer of ignorance. This is just another guide in Ben's best selling series of Guide books. Other titles include Ben's Handy Dandy Guide to Doing your Taxes, Ben's Handy Dandy Guide to Using Your Face Properly, and Ben's Handy Dandy Guide to Keeping your Toilet from Doing that Thing Again. Fret not, my guides are easy to use, because they are written for you. So, without further ado…

Chapter One: This is Probably the Only Chapter

Okay, following is a list of assumptions I'm going t make about you. If you don't fit these, then I'd suggest you pick up another of my guide books: Ben's Handy Dandy Guide to Making Sure you fit Ben's Stereotype of the Common Squalid Peasant.

• You can read, or you have a scribe or priest of some sort there that can read for you.
• You own a keyboard that isn't covered in marmalade stains.
• You know the basic functions of the Internet.
• You have the ability of abstract thought.

Seriously, that's all you need! Any-who, what you'll be seeing right off the bat is the latest post. Post, according to dictionary. com means

A long piece of wood or other material set upright into the ground to serve as a marker or support.

To people who actually know anything though, it means "A thing what is on a blog or something". Now, these are the things that you read. Why you read them is up to you: keeping up with the latest news, making sure you know what celebrity is sodomizing who, fart jokes, the list is quite endless.

Anyways, once you are done reading the latest post, you can scroll down and reveal, wait for it, another post. Now, while this can be quite a treat, remember that is IS older. And surely you know that the older something is, the worse it is. Don't believe me? Okay, then go to a senior citizens home and spend the day there. You'll quickly see my point.

Now comes the tricky part: commenting. Say you disagree with someone's post (What?! Angelina Jolie isn't pregnant, she's just a fat whore!), well, you can show them what's-who! Hit the "comment" link (use the mouse, stupid! The rolley thing!) and you can enter some constructive criticism or oven some sarcastic wit! Soon enough, they'll get their cummupins.

Chapter Two: Okay, I lied. There's more than one.

Give me money.